PMQs sketch: Politics is a dirty business these days

Despite the advice offered by the current public information campaign, Boris Johnson is refusing to wash his hands of Priti Patel. The Home Secretary sat alongside the Prime Minister throughout PMQs today, even as allegations about her behaviour towards civil servants continue to emerge. No self-isolation for her. 

Jeremy Corbyn started his contribution by sincerely congratulating the Prime Minister on the news of his forthcoming child with fiancée Carrie Symonds. SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford, ever po-faced, couldn’t bring himself to do the same. Perhaps he thought that for Baby Boris number . . . who knows? — it wasn’t necessary.

Corbyn, though, actually managed to rise to the occasion of a major crisis, using a couple of his six questions constructively. I know there is nervousness across the country at the moment, and I don’t wish to add to the state of confusion, but the Opposition leader and PM did actually manage to have a useful exchange about the spread of coronavirus.

Any sense of civility was ended, however, when Corbyn made his pivot to Priti. He called for an independent investigation and full disclosure of the findings into the Home Secretary’s alleged behaviour. Just like his party did over allegations of anti-Semitism . . . oh . . .

No wonder the Prime Minister said he would take “no lessons on bullying” from the Opposition. 

The troops rallied, Johnson grew tired of being referred to multiple times as a part-time Prime Minister and returned fire, calling Corbyn a “full-time neo-Marxist”. In tumultuous times, it was nice that PMQs degenerated to playground-like insults. Normality was restored. 

Johnson’s defence of his Home Secretary was similarly effusive and robust. “The Home Secretary is doing an outstanding job delivering change, putting police out on the streets, cutting crime and delivering a new immigration system. And I’m sticking by her,” roared the man not renowned for “sticking by” the women in his life.

If Patel ends up following the former Chancellor Sajid Javid out of the government, the Prime Minister may come to regret backing her quite so fervently. To lose one holder of a Great Office of State early on in your administration might be considered a misfortune; to lose two looks careless.

Perhaps the best thing to come out of this PMQs session, and indeed the whole coronavirus scare, is the possibility that Parliament will stop sitting. The SNP’s Carol Monaghan raised the possibility, noting the travel arrangements and close working conditions of MPs means that they could unwittingly be bringing Covid19 into their own constituencies. With events being cancelled around the world, including the London Book Fair, perhaps Parliament should take a break. Just as a precaution, you understand. A weary nation would no doubt be grateful.

Such a dramatic move would mean that we miss the increasingly pointless contributions to PMQs from the Tory backbenchers. While the number of ways they have constructed to ask whether the Prime Minister agrees that he is doing a fantastic job is truly a sight to behold, I for one, am willing to make that sacrifice. 

The other political fallout from the coronavirus outbreak could be a further delay to the Liberal Democrat (remember them?) leadership contest, even before it has really started. Given the party has collapsed to such a level that it didn’t even get a question at PMQS today, perhaps that doesn’t really matter.

From flooding to coronavirus to bullying allegations, there’s no doubt that Boris Johnson and his government face challenges on multiple fronts. The budget next week will go some way to revealing whether or not they are up to tackling them. With all this going on, they should be grateful that with Jeremy Corbyn asking the questions, PMQs is not on their list of problems.